The way it should have ended
by PaintTheAlienPink
Summary: In which Harry finds a... little bit different way to defeat Lord Voldemort in the final battle. ONESHOT.


How it should have ended

**A/N: This is... Short. Notice the genre. This is a freely written version of the battle between Voldemort and Harry, with a twist at the ending. It is at least meant to be humor. I should have checked up the spelling on the spells, but when I'm writing this, I have twenty minutes left before going to bed. Lol. I don't own Harry Potter, 'cause I wouldn't have been writing this if I did. I might come back and rewrite this one day, but this isn't something super serious, just something that my friend and I came up with.**

Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, was standing in front of his deadliest enemy, known as Lord Voldemort. He had only recently thrown of his invisibility cloak, after casting the spell to shield Molly Weasley (who had just killed one of Voldemort's most dedicated Death Eaters) from said evil Lord. Several gasps, as well as people shouting "Harry, you're alive!" could be heard in the giant room that the scene was taking place in.

But Harry's attention wasn't on the crowd of people that had supported him, for something which he would be eternally grateful for, no. His attention was on his enemy, the man who had killed his parents and given him is lighting-bolt-shaped scar... Lord Voldemort.

The evil Lord was, in his own turn, narrowing his eyes, as if thinking 'can't you ever just die?' or 'I wish I had such a cloak. Could come in handy someday'. Narrowing his eyes wasn't a thing for the snake-looking evil guy. If anything, it only made him look more like a snake.

Meanwhile, Harry was pondering on where Voldemort, also known as Tom Riddle (or Tom Dolder in the Swedish version of the series) had gotten his snake-like attributes from. The Boy Who Lived shuddered inwardly while thinking that it could have been something inherited from his family. Surely, Salazar Slytherin couldn't have looked like a snake? If so, it had never been recorded. Both the wizards were stuck in their respective trains of thought, one unnamed wizard, battered from fighting, grew tired of it.

"Hey, stop staring at each other and do something! We're waiting!" Said wizard soon found himself dead by the killing curse, fired by no one other than... Harry Potter. Nah, just kidding, it was Voldemort who fired it.

"Despite being annoying and irritating-"

"Dude, I think that's the same thing." Another killing curse was fired on another nameless wizard, and the Dark Lord continued.

"-That first guy had a point. Let's go on with the little bit in which we chat before beginning firing spells at each other. I'll start, and then you can say something. Fair enough?" Harry shrugged.

"Guess so."

"Alright then... Harry Potter, once again you have escaped death. However, you won't do so this time. Prepare for death!" Harry now readied himself, as it now was his turn to speak.

"I won't let you win, Voldemort! I will defeat you, no matter the cost!" Both Voldemort and Harry now readied their wands, preparing for firing their respective favourite spells. Then, they both shouted at the same time:

"Die! Avada Kadavra!

"Expelliarnus! Green light and red light met, both struggling for dominance. And so the final battle of the final battle began.

_Twenty minutes later_

Harry took a look at the green and red light, and then took a look at his watch.

"How long is this going to take?" At his opponent's words, Voldemort shrugged (as much as was possible while casting a killing spell).

"I dunno. It'll end if you give in."

"Tempting, but I can't let you win."

_Another twenty minutes later_

Harry took yet another look at the watch.

"You know what? Fuck this." The Boy Who Lived then brought up something from the depths of his pockets... A gun. He then aimed directly at Voldemort, and shot him repeatedly through the chest while laughing maniacally and screaming:

"Take this, bitch!" And so the Dark Lord's life was ended. The entire room was as quiet as a mouse, yes, one mouse. Then, a random wizard opened their mouth.

"Let's cover this up with that Harry said something really cool and awesome – like something that in some way made him the true owner of Voldemort's wand and that Voldemort lost because of that?"

Everyone agreed, and as such, the real story of Voldemort's defeat was lost in history, to never ever be acknowledged by coming generations.

Everyone got their happy ending, except the gun, which was thrown in the lake and eaten by a fish.

THE END


End file.
